80 Assorted Skits for Campfires or Pack Nights

Here is a good one "to get" your favorite Scout Leader with.

Need: 3 or 4 boys as lawnmowers, 1 Salesman, and 5 or 6 customers

Lawnmowers on hands and knees in a row. Salesman standing around talking about lawnmower sales:
"Lawnmowers, Good Condition, Sale today only. Come and try them"

Customer 1: (walks in) "Hey I'd like to buy a lawnmower. Can I try one?"

Salesman: "Sure give this one a pull" Takes customer to a lawnmower.

Customer 1: Pulls imaginary cord on mower, Lawnmower starts up (Scout makes noise and moves off
stage with Cust. 1 pushing...

Repeat the above for (n - 1) lawnmowers. On the last mower, mower won't start, spits and sputters... This happens for all remaining customers. The salesman may even give it a try. Disgusted and concerned
about the sale of his last mower, the salesman asks for a volunteer from the audience... Many hands will
go up, but salesman will select someone special like Council Executive, Scoutmaster, Commissioner, or Camp Director ... This person will come up and mimic what the others tried to do... Of course the mower
starts up immediately and moves off stage..

Salesman turns to audience: "I guess all it needed was a big jerk!"

All exit

Need: 4 to 8 Scouts. Have them stand in a line.

A line of submarine officers on a japanese sub during WWII . Captain sights a ship in the parascope

CAPTAIN; "Tanker bearing 259, Range 1 mile"

He yells this to the first mate, who in turn tells second mate, down the line until finally the torpedo
opperator is told. The torpedo operator just shrugs his shoulders.

CAPTAIN: "Load main tube # 1 and stand by to fire."

He yells this to the first mate, who in turn tells second mate, down the line until finally the torpedo
opperator is told.

TORPEDO OPERATOR: "I don't know How."

Next the captain gives the order to fire down the line, but the

TORPEDO OPERATOR: "I dont know How..."

This message is returned up the line to the Captain who SCREAMS.

CAPTAIN : "Press the red button."

When this message finally gets down to the TORPEDO OPERATOR. he follows it, but it took too long so they miss the ship. (More message passing if you want.) Finally after about three ships (each time the
TORPEDO OPERATOR doesnt remember how to fire.) The Captain feels disgraced and pulls out a knife
and commits Sepuku (or incorrectly, Hari Keri) Each officer in turn picks up the knife and follows the
Captains example until at last the knife comes to the Torpedo Officer Who looks at the knife and says;

TORPEDO OPERATOR: "I dont Know How..."

Need: 5-8 Scouts standing (or laying) with left foot crossed over right and right arm crossed over left.

First Scout in line asks: "IS IT TIME YET?" - Second Scout asks third, etc down the line.

Last Scout says: "NO" Word is passed back to the first Scout, one Scout at a time.

After a lonnnnnnnng pause,

First Scout asks: "IS IT TIME YET?" It goes down the line as before.

Last Scout says: "NO" Again and the word is passed back.

Another long pause...............

First Scout asks again: "IS IT TIME YET?" etc and,

Last Scout says: "YES" the answer is passed back.

Just after the first Scout gets the word, they all change to right foot over left and left arm over right.

Exit groaning

Pay close attention here.

Need: 5 scouts (1 as doctor, 4 patients). Two chairs.

Scene begins with doctor sitting on one of the chairs.

First patient enters twitching their left arm.

DOCTOR: "And what's wrong with you sir?"

Patient 1: "As you can see doctor I have this terrible twitch"

DOCTOR: "Just sit on my magic chair and you'll get better"

The patient sits on the chair and stops twitching, but the doctor's left arm starts twitching.

Patient 1: "Oh thank you doctor. you cured me"

The patient leaves, the doctor still twitching calls for the next patient.

DOCTOR: " Next "...... "And what's wrong with you sir?"

This patient has the hiccups. The process of sitting in the chair is repeated. The doctor now has a twitch
and the hiccups.

The third patient is called in, both his legs keep flicking in the air. The process is again repeated so that
the doctor now has a twitching arm the hiccups and both legs flicking in the air.

The doctor now calls patient four. This patient looks quite normal, enters and sits in the magic chair.

DOCTOR: "And what may I ask is wrong with you sir?"

Patient 4: "I've got a terrible case of the runs doctor"

The doctor runs off the stage holding his stomach.

Need: 5 Scouts (1 to be a table).

1st Scout comes out: Gets down on all fours, pretenting to be a table.

2nd Scout comes out, looks at the table and declares;

2nd SCOUT: "Ahh, a fly, I think I'll pull it's wings off" Proceeds to pick it up, pluck the wings, put it back
on the table, and walks off.

3nd Scout comes out, looks at the fly on the table and says;

3rd SCOUT: "Oh, a fly with no wings, I think I'll pull it's legs off", With great precision and animation,
picks up the fly, removes it's legs, and puts it back and walks off.

4rd Scout comes out, looks at the fly and announces;

4th SCOUT: "Say, a fly with no wings and no legs, I think I'll pull it's head off." Then proceeds as the
other Scout before him.

Last Scout comes out looks at the table, then carefully inspects the object with out picking it up and
says very quickly

LAST SCOUT: "A raisin !" and quickly picks it up and puts it in his mouth

Need: 4 scouts, One large can (Billy can or gallon can) with water placed in the center of the stage.

1st scout (Walks to billy carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink. )

" THIS CAMP COFFEE IS GETTING WORSE! "

2nd scout (Walks to billy carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink. )

" THIS CAMP TEA IS GETTING WORSE! "

3rd scout (Walks to billy carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink. )

" THIS CAMP CHOCOLATE IS GETTING WORSE! "

4th scout (Walks to billy, dips his hands in and takes out a pair of wet socks. As he wrings them out he
says. )

"I THOUGHT THAT WOULD GET THEM CLEAN!"

Need: 2 scouts (Private and a Seargent).

Sarge and private walking.

Private: "I want to rest!"

Sarge: "No! we have to finish this hike. Keep going!"

Private: "But my feet hurt" etc. (Whining.)

Here you can be creative, add a few more excuses...

Sarge: "Absolutely NOT!!!"

Private: "Ill cry..."

Sarge: "Go ahead!"

Private: "WaaaaaaHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!"

Here Sarge gives in and they rest. Next the private wants to stop and ' take a wee' (you can always use
the "Weeee!" when the Sarge finally gives in after the same Rigamarole. and next a drink, and finally
food. But this is only a day hike so there is no food. After more tears, the sarge finds a worm and the
private will only eat it (on the threat of more tears) if the sarge eats half. Of course when he finally does,
the private starts bawling again and screams

Private: "You ate my half."

Need: 5 scouts (or more) and one article of clothing for each.

First scout enters, walking slowly. Second scout enters, wearing a hat and walking in the opposite
direction. First scout stops second scout and says,

First Scout: "Hey, where did you get that cool hat?"

Second Scout: "J.C. Penney"

Second scout leaves and third scout enters carrying pants.

First Scout: "Hey, where did you get those pants?"

Third Scout: "J.C. Penney"

Others enter carrying new articles of clothing and offer similar explanations. Finally the last scout enters
wearing just shorts. First scout stops him.

First Scout: "Who do you think you are dressed like that ?"

Last Scout: "I'm J.C. Penney !"

Need: 5 or more scouts.

Scene: One person acts as a lamp post, shining a flashlight on the ground. Another is groping around in
the pool of light. (He's Scout One).

A third person enters, sees Scout One, and asks: "What are you looking for?"

Scout One: "A quarter that I lost".

He joins # 1, and helps him search. A fourth and fifth enter and repeat the above scene.

Finally one of them asks Scout One: "Where did you loose the quarter ?"

Scout One: (Pointing away) "Over there"

Other Scout: "Then why are you looking here ?"

Scout One: "Because the light is better over here!"

Need: 2 scouts (If more are desired, they can be passengers, with suitable sound effects and actions.)

Props: Seating for pilot and co-pilot, and for passengers if required and a compass.

Announcer: This scene is on board a very low budget airline.

Pilot: Well, are we anywhere near the airport, co-pilot ?

Co-Pilot: (peering out the window) I don't know... I see lights over there to the port. That's likely it. Bring
'er around and have a look.

Pilot: (lurching plane hard to the left) Boy, I can't tell. I wish the company would buy us some
instruments.

Co-Pilot: (pulling compass from pocket) Oh, I've got my trusty compass and the sun went down about 20
minutes ago, so we've got to be on course. (Excited) Look, see that spot down there, that must be it.

Pilot: Okay, here we go. Give me 20 degrees flaps, I'm going in. (Puts plane into a nose dive, sound
effects.)

Pilot: This is going to be tough. Give me more flaps, cut back the engines. (Louder) More flaps, less
throttle !

Co-Pilot: (Appropriate actions and sounds, acting panicky.)

Pilot: QUICK, cut the engines, give me brakes. MORE BRAKES !

Both: (Sighs of relief) We're down, we made it !

Pilot: Boy that was a short runway !

Co-Pilot: (Looking right, then left) Yep, and wide too !

Need: 2 scouts.

Small boy is sitting, crying

Passer-by #1: (Enters) What's wrong little boy, why are you crying?

Boy: (Sobbing) I lost my lollipop !

Passer-by #1: Have you looked for it ?

Boy: (Continues to sob) Oh, yes, I've looked under my bed, in my sock drawer, and even in Charlie's
pocket.

Passer-by #1: I've heard that chanting often works. You think very hard about the lollipop until you can
see it in your mind, and chant 'lollipop' over and over again.

Boy: (Closing eyes tightly) Big red yummy lollipop, big red yummy lollipop, big red yummy lollipop.

Passer-by #1: (Nods approval and strolls out)

Boy: (Continues chanting for a while, then starts crying again)

Passer-by #2: (Enters) What's wrong, little boy ?

Boy: (Sobbing) I lost my lollipop, and I hunted and hunted, then this man told me to chant, and I did, and
it didn't work !

Passer-by #2: Chanted ?

Boy: Yeah, like this (Demonstrates, then starts to cry)

Passer-by #2: Don't cry little boy. Maybe we need more help.

Boy: (Turns to audience) You're my only help to get my lollipop back. Everybody, very softly now, chant
with me, "Big red yummy lollipop, big red yummy lollipop, big red yummy lollipop." (Gets everyone doing
it in unison) Great ! I think it's working, keep going now.

Passer-by #1: (Re-enters) Hi little boy. Did it work ?

Boy: (Loudly) No, it didn't, but I did find a whole lot of suckers !

Need: 1 leader and 2 or more scouts.

Props: A good compass and a map

Announcer: In this scene, we see a Scoutmaster teaching a Patrol about maps and compass.

Scoutmaster: Now fellows, if you take a bearing from the map this way you can now stand up and,
keeping the compass away from your belt buckle, walk along the bearing until you reach your
destination. John, you try that.

John : (Does as instructed, exits, re-enters)

Scoutmaster: (Standing) In the same way you can take a bearing on a distant object, and use that to find
where you are on the map. Now, each of you take a bearing on that big tree on the hill top.

Other boys : (Do as instructed, passing compass around, making suitable comments.)

Scoutmaster: (After a few moments) All right, let's all gather around. That wraps up tonight's compass
lesson. There is just one more important point ! Never, never buy a TATES compass.

Tom : Scouter, why should we never buy a TATES compass ?

Scoutmaster: You know the old saying: "He who has a TATES is lost!"

Need: 5 or more scouts (1 is an announcer, 1 is an Angel).

Announcer: Here we are at the Gates of Heaven.

Scout 1: (Walks up to angel at gate) Hello, I see I've come to Heaven.

Angel: Well, you're not in yet ! First you've got to tell me how you suffered on Earth.

Scout 1: Well, I spent a week eating camp food.

Angel: I'm sorry, you haven't suffered enough. (Scout 1 exits dejectedly.)

Scout 2: (Enters) Hi, I'm here to get into Heaven.

Angel: Fine, fine. And how have you suffered ?

Scout 2: I went on a long hike and got blisters all over my feet.

Angel: Sorry. That's not enough suffering to get into Heaven. (Scout 2 exits)

Scout 3: (Enters) Can I get into Heaven ?

Angel: How did you suffer ?

Scout 3: I'm in (Pick someone's name who can take a joke) (troop/pack/six/class, etc.)

Angel: Well, come on in !!

Need: 5 scouts (1 as announcer)

Props: A cardboard box, and a stuffed dog (or rabbit, etc.)

Announcer: This scene takes place on the street outside a grocery store.

(Several participants are gathered around outside the store, chatting.)

Scout 1: (Enters holding the box) Hi guys, would you please hold this box for me while I go into the store
? (Exits)

Scout 2: I wonder what's in the box ?

Scout 3: I don't know, but something is leaking out !

Scout 4: (Rubs finger against the bottom of box, then licks finger) Hmmm, it tastes like lemon soda.

Scout 3: (Also rubs box and tastes finger) No. I think it's more like chicken soup.

Scout 1: (Returns, looks in box and pulls out stuffed dog) Oh, you naughty puppy !

Need: 3 scouts (1 as announcer).

Announcer: This scene takes place in a hardware store in a small north woods lumber town.

Lumberjack: (Enters) My old crosscut saw is worn out, and I need something that will let me cut more
wood, or I'm going to go broke !

Owner: Yes, sir ! For only one hundred bucks you can be the proud owner of this chain saw. I guarantee
that it will cut twice as much wood in a day as your own crosscut.

Lumberjack: (Handing over money) O.K. great ! (Exits)

Announcer: The next day.

Lumberjack: (Enters tiredly) There's something wrong with this saw. I worked very hard yesterday, and
only cut half as much wood.

Owner: Well, sir, I have a lot of faith in this product. Here, I'll put a new chain on it and you give it another
try.

Lumberjack: O.K., but if it doesn't do any better, I'll be back ! (Exits)

Announcer: The next day.

Lumberjack: (Enters exhausted) This darned saw is no good. I worked even harder, and still it won't cut
half the wood of my old saw ! I want my money back !

Owner: Yes, sir ! Just let me check it out here. (Pulls starter rope

Announcer: (Makes sound effects of saw running.)

Lumberjack: Oh, my gosh! What on earth is all that noise ?

Need: 3 scouts (2 older scouts and 1 cubscout).

(Two Scouts come on stage carrying a long pole. They prop it up, then stand back and look at it.)

Scout 1: Now, there are several ways we can figure out the height of this pole. How do you want to start?

(The Scouts unsuccessfully try various methods of estimation to calculate the height of the pole. The
conversation goes something like....)

Scout 1: According to my calculations, that pole is about 2 m high.

Scout 2: There's no way. It has got to be shorter than that. Just look at it.

(This kind of exchange repeats several times as the Scouts obviously become more and more
exasperated. A Cub strolls onto the stage.)

Cub: Hi! (he watches a bit) What are you guys trying to do?

Scout 2: We're trying to measure the exact height of this pole.

Scout 1: We haven't had too much luck, yet, but we'll get it.

Cub: Why don't you just lay the pole on the ground and measure its length?

Scout 1: (scornfully) Cubs!

Scout 2: I'll say. (To the Cub) Didn't you hear right? We want to know how tall the pole is - not how long it is

Need: 2 scouts, one will lie down as if dead

Scene: One person lying on the ground, dead.

Another enters, sees him, runs for the telephone and dials 911.

Panicking and gasping he says: "Hello 911, there's a dead person here...

Where? .... Uh, (looking for a sign)

"I'm at Montgomery and Westchester..."

"Spell it!?... Uh, M-o-t-n... Uh, M-o-t-g,," (confused),

"Just a minute, I'll drag him over to King and Elm !"

Need: 4 (or more) scouts .

First boy is squatting as though sitting on an invisible bench. The second boy comes in and asks what
the first is doing.

"I'm sitting on the invisible bench."

"Can I join you?"

"Sure, there's plenty of room."

Second boy pretends to sit.

A third boy comes along, and the scene repeats.

Go on for as many boys as you want.

When the last boy comes along, asks and is answered, he says "But I moved it over there this morning!"

AAAAHHHHHH!!!! All seated boys fall down.

Need: 2 scouts (1 participant is on hands and knees as the 'Go Cart').

Driver : Oh, this fool Go Cart is always giving me trouble ! Now the front wheel has come off. (Selects
member of audience) Would you come over and give me a hand. Thanks. (Selected person may have
some comments to respond to - then they are led to the cart.)

Driver : Here, if you would just be the wheel I need. That's right, get down on your hands and knees up
there and be the front wheel. Now let me try it again. (Driver gets on car, tries to start it up.)

Go Cart: (Makes sputtering noises, starts, moves forward, then sags and sputters out.)

Driver : Now what is it ? (Driver moves to rear, lifts cart, lets go and cart sags again.)

Driver : Now that old suspension has gone, I need more help. (Selects someone else) Please come over
here and be the suspension. That's right, just hold the back end up there. Now I'll try it again. (Gets on
car, starts engine.)

Go Cart: (Sputters to life, moves forward, wobbles, and stops)

Driver : (Getting off) Oh, no. Now the rear wheel is loose. I'll go and get more help. (Selects more help)
(New help is positioned at rear wheel.)

Driver: This wheel is loose. If you will just hold the wheel (indicates leg) tightly so it doesn't fall off, you'll
be a big help. Thanks. (Driver gets on cart, starts engine)

Go Cart: (Starts up, runs fine, moves forward)

Driver : (Braking to halt) Oh, that's perfect now ! All I needed was a few NUTS to get it going !

     Judge, Bailiff, 3 (or more) Scruffy Guys, Peanuts (person)
     Setting: Courthouse

Judge: Order in the court! Order in the court! Bring in the first case!

(Bailiff brings in a scruffy guy.)

Judge: What's your problem?

#1: Duh, I like to throw Peanuts against walls! Hic!

Judge: 30 days psychiatric treatment! Next!

Judge: What's your problem?

#2: Duh, I like to throw Peanuts out the window!

Judge: 30 days psychiatric treatment! Next!

(Judge becomes increasingly bored)

Judge: Oh, not another, What's your problem?

#3: Duh, I like to throw Peanuts into a lake!

Judge: 30 days psychiatric treatment! Why do they send me all the loonies,Next!

(Finally the bailiff brings in the last, really scruffy, bloodied, shirt torn, no shoes, so on.)

Judge: What's your problem? (Sigh....)

Peanuts: I'm Peanuts! (Passes out.)

     Mean Pirate Captain, 6 Pirates, Lifeguard
     Setting: Pirate Ship at Sea

Captain: Okay let's see the first o' you. Which rule did you break?

#1: I... I... I ran around in the dining hall when I should have been sitting down!

Captain: Walk the plank! And you?

#2: I pushed into the canteen line, Sir!

Captain: Walk the plank! And you?

#3: I wasn't quiet when the sign was up!

Captain: Walk the plank! And you?

#4: I was talking after bedtime!

Captain: Walk the plank! And you?

#5: I wasn't listening during badgework!

Captain: Walk the plank! And you?

#6: I was playing with the campfire!

Captain: Walk the plank!

Lifeguard comes out.

Lifeguard: Okay guys, BUDDY UP AND NO TALKING!

     Actor(s), Director, Cameraman, Others in a studio
     Setting: Studio

Director: Okay, People! Let's get going!

Cameraman: But Sir!

Director: No interruptions! Action!

(Actor, speaking in a dull voice, does a commercial for Scout Beer, talking about its great taste, made
from dishwater and leftover porridge, and lots of the special ingredient, "Hop to it," which the Scout leader often said, from Scout camp when ...)

Director: Cut! That sounded like you don't like the stuff! Sound sincere! Okay! Let's try it again!

Cameraman: But Sir!

Director: No buts! Action!

(Actor begins again, appropriately sincere, and there are the usual interruptions by the director, saying
it's too fast, too slow, whispers into the actor's ear (who then checks his zipper) until finally, everything
goes smoothly. )

(All the while, the Cameraman keeps on interrupting the Director at the same time.)

Director: Cut! And Print! That was fantastic! Let's get out of here!

Cameraman: But Sir! We don't have any film!

     Director, Others in a Studio (Clapper Board, Lighting Men), Mother, Son, Doctor,
     Undertaker, brooms for the actors

("Set the scene" with the "actors" standing around on break, and the Director calling them in, saying that they'd had enough time already.)

Director: Lights, Camera, Action!

Clapper: Scene one, Take one!

(The actors play the scene without the least sign of emotion as lighting people follow and cameraman
films. Mother is flipping pancakes at the stove when son walks in.)

Son: Mom, I don't feel too well. (He collapses)

Mom: (Goes over, looks at son.) Oh, I'd better call the doctor. (Moves to the phone, dials making click,
click, click sounds.) Doctor, come quick. My son's collapsed.

Doctor: (Enters, checks pulse and breathing.) He's dead. I'd better call the undertaker. (Goes to phone,
dials making dialing sounds like Mom did.) Undertaker, you'd better come. I have a dead body here.

Undertaker: (Enters and begins to measure the body.)

Director: (Jumps up.) Cut! Cut! That was terrible. You had no emotion AT ALL! Let's do it again. This
time, give me more emotion!

Cast: (Exiting) Right. More emotion.

Director: Lights, Camera, Action!

Clapper: Scene one, Take Two!

(The actors redo the scene, using exactly the same words, but with great hammy histrionics. Mom weeps uncontrollably throughout, son dies very dramatically, etc. At the same point as in Take One, the
Director yells, "Cut! Cut!")

Director: That was better, but too fast. Let's try again. This time, slow it down. Lights, Camera, Action!

Clapper: Scene on, Take three!

(The actors redo the scene in slow motion-talking slowly, mowing slowly. For example, when the
telephone is dialed it goes click ... click ... click ... and after the doctor check's the son's pulse, the
son's hand falls slowly back to the floor, etc. The Director yells "Cut!" in the usual place.)

Director: That was far too slow! Let's speed it up!

(This time the actors do the scene so quickly that the son throws himself to the ground, the doctor is
there before Mom can hang up, and so on.)

Director: (At the same place) Cut! That was absolutely terrible! Actors? Do you call yourselves actors!!??

Cast: Actors? Who said anything about actors? We're the cleaners! (All pick up brooms and exit.)

     Setting: Family Sitting at the Dinner Table, talking in a very thick Southern Drawl.

Ma: Pass the peppa, Pa.

(Goes down the line to Pa, who responds)

Pa: Here's the Black Peppa, Ma.

(Goes down the line to Ma, who responds)

Ma: No, not the Black Peppa, Pa.

(Goes down the line to Pa, who responds)

Pa: Oh. Here's the Chili Peppa, Ma.

(This goes on through different kinds of Peppa i.e. Banana Peppa, Jalepeno Peppa, Red Peppa, Green
Peppa, and so on until,)

Ma: Can't you pass the toilet peppa, Pa?

     Story teller, Victim, appropriate sound effects & Helpers, raincoat, cup of water

Storyteller: I need a volunteer to take submarine training.

(Put victim under the coat and hold up an arm of the coat to use as a periscope.)

Now to be a good submarine captain, you must be able to use the periscope. So let's practice a bit.
Can you see the fire? How about those tents? The table? The moon? The stars?

(Continue until (s)he becomes proficient.)

Let's start our mission. You are the captain of this fine submarine, the S.S. Kaput. You are to bring it
about on maneuvers and sink enemy ships. So here we go, in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Oh! Here comes an enemy ship to the right! Can you see him?

(Show a drawing of a ship.) Blow him up! (When he fires, sink the ship.) Good going!
Now turn the submarine to port, and then to starboard (Left & right.) Oh, Oh-there's a storm brewing.
(Shake him a bit.)
Do you see that Island? Try to go there to seek cover. Can you see the waves? My, aren't they big? And
they're crashing against the rocks!
What a big storm! Can you see it? Can you see the waves? No?

(Pour the water down the arm.)

     Performer

(The performer is putting his trained flea Flora through all her tricks, explaining all her tricks as she does
them. His eyes follow every flip, jump, etc. as she performs and lands back in his hand.

The he asks her to jump to the ceiling. His eyes lose her and she doesn't return. He looks high and low
(perhaps with the help of a friend) but can't find her. Finally he looks in someone's hair.)

Performer: (Delighted) Flora! There you are! I'm so glad to have you back.

(looks more closely.) But say ... this isn't Flora!

Alternate Ending ...

(When Flora has done all her tricks,)

Performer: Let's hear a big round of applause for Flora! (Begins to clap, then stops, horrified, realizing
what he's done.)

     Warehouse Person, Store Manager, 5 Customers, Two Victims, Broomstick
     Setting: Party Supplies Store

(Get two victims to hold, at each end, the broomstick-this will be your manager's store counter.)

Customer #1: Hi! I'd like to buy some balloons for my daughter's birthday party.

Manager: Of course, Sir. Let me check with the back. (Calling to back of warehouse.) Do we have any
balloons?

Warehouse: (Calling from back-an accent works well, or he's hard of hearing.) Let me check. (Pause)
No! No balloons!

Manager: Gee, I'm sorry, Sir. Thank you for stopping by!

(Continue with each customer trying to get cakes, party favours, candies, games for the little darlings,
hats, and so on. Each time, the Manager calls back, the warehouse person responds that he'll check,
says no, and the manager apologizes. Finally,)

Last Customer: I've been waiting in line here for a while and I've noticed that you don't have anything that
anybody wants. What do you have for parties?

Manager: (Slowly looks at each of the victims, considering each.) Well, I do have two suckers on a stick!

The Statue Warehouse

     Tour Guide, Group of Tourists (optional), 1 Victim, Statues, Aquaman Statue with mouthful of
     water
     Setting: Statue Museum (or Warehouse of Old, Unused Statues)

Guide: Welcome to the museum of Superheroes. We have an unique collection of statues in that you can press a button and the statues come alive to imitate their real life counterparts. See here, for instance.
This is Superman. Watch as I push the button on his chest.

(Superman comes out of stiff standing position and takes a flying position, then resumes a stiff standing
position. Guide continues through the tour, occasionally letting someone try the statues of Spiderman,
the Flash, Batman, Wonderwoman, each with a different action and way of activating them (pull arm,
press nose, and so on.) Finally they get to Aquaman.)

Guide: Now this is our last statue; Aquaman is our pride and joy. However, it seems that sometimes it
just won't activate. Better let me try first.

(Pulls arm. Nothing. "Aquaman," he whispers. He tries the arm again. Nothing.)

(To victim) You, Sir? Would you like to try? He's rather finicky. Maybe he'll work if you try.

(Victim tries and Aquaman spits out a mouthful of water at him.)

     GSITW, Partner with metal pot (with a bit of water in it) and a pebble
     Setting: Boardwalk, Circus, Amusement Park

(Separate GSITW and partner by about 15 feet.)

Partner: Ladies and Gentlemen! May I present to you the Greatest Spitter in the World! He does all kinds
of tricks with a mere spit! Let him show you the simple spit first!

(GSITW sends off a regular spit, which is caught in the pot by the partner. When it's supposed to land,
he hits the bottom of the pot with a secret pebble he holds in his hand.)

Partner: Ladies and Gents! That is not all he can do! Watch his fastball!

(Again, another spit which immediately "lands" in the pot. Continue with tricks, such as slow spit, high
spit, round the world spit (in which case each turns around, backs facing each other, and the spit takes
a while to come around but indeed does,) curve spit, and so on. Finally,)

Partner: Now for his last spit! It's a really difficult spit but we think we have it! It's a high, quadruple axle,
curvy, spring jump spit! We must have absolute silence for this one!

(GSITW spits up, partner follows it up, doing 4 spins, it curves side to side, begins to jump up and down
in air, then he seems to lose it ... no, there it is ... he goes side to side, trying to catch it, he trips and
spills the water on the crowd.)

     Storyteller, Bird, Frog, Tree, Breeze, Lost Scoutmaster

(Storyteller is telling the story to the campfire crowd, while the other actors, with the exception of the Lost
Scoutmaster, have the option to hide in the woods, sit in the crowd, or stand beside the story teller. I
suggest the first, for effect. The Lost Scoutmaster, however, must hide in the woods.)

Storyteller: You know, I love camping. It's not like being in the city at all. You hear sounds that you can
only hear out in the country.
For instance, lots of birds. (Bird chirps a lot, sings a bird song.) Ah, isn't that lovely?
And the frogs. They have one of those great sounds. (Frog calls out ribbit sounds.)
And though there's breeze in the city, it's just not the same as the breeze in the country. (Light breeze
being called out.)
Let's face it; there are trees in the city, but how many? The breeze through a forest is so nice (Light
breeze, slight swishing of the trees.)
But the sound I love to hear the most when I go camping is the sound of the Lost Scoutmaster.

(Heavy thumping of the feet; calls out, "Where in the world am I?")

     2 Friends, HTCITW, tree, book
     Setting: Campfire

(Tree climber is hidden in the woods and is able to ruffle a bush or tree.)

1: You know, they say there's this really good tree climber trying out for the Olympics. I wonder if he's
practicing around here?

2: Call out and see!

1: Hey! Tree Climber! You around here?

Climber: Yep!

1: You practicing?

Climber: Yep!

1: How high are you?

Climber: Oh, not high. About 100 feet.

1: Wow! Can you go higher?

Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 200 feet.

1: Fantastic! Can you go higher?

Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 275 feet.

1: Neato! Can you go higher?

Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 325 feet.

1: Great! Can you go higher?

Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 400 feet.

1: Gee! I'm amazed!

2: Excuse me, Sir, but I have a book here that says that the highest tree in the world is only 360 feet
high!

Climber: Ahhhhhh!!!!!! (Thump!)

Version 1

     Post Office Clerk, People in line, Person, a few letters and small boxes, and one wrapped box
     with a roll of toilet paper in it.
     Setting: Post Office

(Person is last in line, clerk is behind a desk, serving people, box with toilet paper)

1: 5 stamps, please.

Clerk: $2.00, please.

2: My mail, please. (Clerk hands it to him.)

3: This to Albuquerque.

Clerk takes it.

4: Has my package arrived yet?

Clerk: (Checks.) No, I'm sorry Sir.

(Next day, same type scenario occurs, with person 4 always last in line, always asking for his package,
which hasn't arrived yet. Each day this repeats, his legs become more and more crossed, he's more
fidgety, more nervous, more anxious, more desperate, till finally, on the last day he's up again.)

4: (Yelling out) Has my package arrived yet?

Clerk: Yes Sir! Here it is!

4: (Relieved, tearing open the box and holding up toilet paper) Thank you! Now I can go to the washroom!

Version 2: The King's Royal Paper

     Essentially the same type of cast plus a guard;
     You also need newspaper, a notepad, scrap paper, cardboard and so on.

Have servants ham it up when their head is about to be cut off.

King: I want my Royal Paper!

1: Here, Sire, The Royal newspaper!

King: No! That's not it! Guard, Off with his head!

2: Sire! Your Royal Writing paper!

King: Fool! Off with his head!

3: Your Highness! Here is The Royal Scratch Paper! King: (Furious) If I wanted to draw I'd have called for
Crayons! Off with his head!

4: Your Grace! Here is the Royal Paper! (Hands him the toilet paper.)

King: Thank you! (Runs off to washroom.)

     2 People on the phone, up to seven Victims, rope
     Each person is holding the rope at either end, and talking on the telephone

Person 1: I went fishing the other day!

2: Can't hear you!

1: Said I went fishing the other day!

2: Can't hear you! Maybe the phone company needs more telephone poles!

(Get a couple of victims to hold the rope up in the middle.)

1: That better?

2: A little! Try again.

1: Went fishing the other day!

2: Really? Is it a good sushi bar?

1: No! I went fishing! Maybe they need more poles!

(Get a couple more victims to help hold the rope up.)

1: As I was saying, the spot I was at wasn't great!

2: No, still can't hear you. Did you say you got grapes?

1: Hold on a minute.

(Get another couple of poles.)

1: I said that I went fishing and my luck wasn't too good!

2: That's better! Still a little interference, but you say you hit a puck? I think one more pole will help
greatly.

(Get one more pole.)

2: Perfect!

1: Gee! The phones today. Anyway, I went fishing the other day.

2: Oh? And how did you do? Any bites?

1: Not good. But today, I did get 7 jerks on the line!

     Manager, Guard, 3 Workmen, large cardboard boxes.
     Setting: Factory Gate.

Manager: (To new guard) I'm giving you the very responsible position of gate guard at this factory.
Because of the lack of vigilance by your predecessors, the workers have stolen so many finished articles
that the firm is heading for bankruptcy. Your duty is to ensure this is brought to an end. Do you
understand?

Guard: Yes Sir. I am to stop stealing.

Manager: That's right. You can search people if necessary. Now it's up to you, and let's see some
results.

Guard: Very good, Sir. (Manager leaves; guard takes post; first workman enters carrying a clothdraped
box.) Just a moment. What have you got in that box?

#1: What do you mean?

Guard: What have you got in that box? It's my duty to see that no one takes stuff out of the factory.

#1: Why didn't you say? There's nothing in the box. Look! (He shows everyone the box is empty.)

Guard: Oh, well, that's all right then.

(#1 leaves and #2 enters, box draped as before. Guard and workman go through routine of looking in the
box. Repeat with #3. After #3 has left, the manager races in enraged.)

Manager: You idiot! I hired you to stop this pilfering. You've only been here half an hour and already we're
losing things!

Guard: But the only people who went out were three men with boxes. I stopped them all and they all had
nothing in them.

Manager: You fool! We make boxes!

     Nature Guide, 3-4 Victims (line them up as you get them)

Guide: I'm going to bring you through an imaginary trip to follow a bear's daily activities. First, I need a
volunteer (He will be a victim). First, we'll kneel down, you in front of me. Then I'm going to say, "There's a bear!" and you're going to respond, "Where?" and I'll point him out. You still won't see him and repeat,
"Where?" and I'll point him out, and then you'll say, "Ahh. I see him, he's over there!" and point the same
way I did.

Guide: There's a bear!

1: Where?

Guide: Over there!

1: Where?

Guide: Over there!

1: Ahh. I see him, he's over there!

(Continue by introducing the other victims, one at a time and lining them up in front of your previous
victim, and repeating the same sketch, but increasing the length as you go through it in a repetitious
manner i.e. you point out to #1, then he to #2, then he to #3, then he to #4. Finally,)

Guide: Guess what? He fell over! (Push over your victims)

     Person with nosebleed, 3 Pedestrians, 4th Pedestrian
     Setting: City Street

(Nosebleed person is looking down at the ground. #1 comes in and looks around, then down, and
mumbles,)

#1: Hmm, what's going down, man? (No answer.)

#2 walks in, does the same thing, as does #3. #4 walks in, looks up for a moment, then asks,

#4: What are you guys doing?

Nosebleed: I don't know what these guys are doing, but I've got a nosebleed!

     Person on the phone, Friend
     Setting: Living Room

Person: (Phone rings, picks it up.) Hello? Yes? You don't say ... You don't say ... You don't say ... You
don't say? ... You don't say! ... You don't say. Bye!

Friend: Say, who was on the phone?

Person: He didn't say!

     Waiter, Customers
     Setting: Restaurant

Customer 1: Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Shh! Everyone else will want one!

Same line continues on with other customers about a fly being in alphabet soup (He's learning to read!)
What's this fly doing in my soup? (The backstroke, Sir!)
There's a fly in my soup! (Pass him a life preserver!)
I just took a fly out of my soup. What do you think you should do? (Give First Aid!) Finally,

Last Customer: Waiter, did you know that there's a fly in my ice cream, too?

Waiter: No! I didn't know they were into winter sports!

     Boss, 4 Workers
     Setting: Office

Boss: Why are you late?

#1: (Rushing into work, breathless.) Sorry I'm late, Boss. My car broke down, so I took the bus. But the
driver hit a tree, so I had to take a cab. And it broke down, too. Fortunately, I was near a stable so I
borrowed the horse. But it ran so fast that it had a heart attack and collapsed. I had to jog the rest of the
way!

(#2 & 3 come in late with exactly the same excuse. The boss becomes a little bit more exasperated
each time, until #4 finally comes in, late of course.)

Boss: Why are you late? No, wait. Let me guess. Your car broke down, so you took the bus. But the bus driver hit a tree, so you took a cab. And it broke down too. Fortunately, you were near a stable and so
you borrowed the horse. But it ran so fast that it had a heart attack and collapsed, so you had to jog the
rest of the way, right?

#4: No boss, you got it all wrong! The streets were so crowded with broken down cars, buses and cabs,
trees, dead horses, and worst of all some crazy joggers that I couldn't get through!

     Salesman, Buyer, 4 people to be bicycles, Victim
     The five "bicycles" are in doggy position.

Salesman: Here, Sir, is our most popular model. It also has an unbelievably low price. Try it.

Buyer: OK -- (tries it) -- no, it's not the right size.

Salesman: Then try this one. It's got 25 gears and goes really fast.

Buyer: No, I don't need that many.

Salesman: All right, try this one.

Buyer: I don't quite like the colour.

Salesman: This one is a great mountain bike; great reports from everyone.

Buyer: Hmmm... OK. Hey! I really like this!

(All of a sudden the mountain bike collapses-falls down.)

Salesman: My, I'm so embarrassed. Are you sure you wouldn't like to purchase one of the other
bicycles? They're very good.

Buyer: Not really. I really liked this last one.

Salesman: Hold on, let me get one of my men from the back. (Get your victim.) Do you think you can fix
this bike? (Instructs him to lift up the bike and pull this, tighten that.) Now Sir, try it.

Buyer: Hey! This is great! You've just sold this bike! What did your technician do?

Salesman: Well, I guess all that was needed was a nut to hold it up!

A shadow show is where you have the bright light behind you and the sheet between you and the
audience so that they see the shadows. Your heads can be seen over the top and on the sides, but the
action MUST be shadowed on the sheet and be the main attraction. In case you decide not to use the
shadow show, no problem. But you need a high table or bench so make it looks "real."

     Doctor, Nurse, Patient, bright light, white sheet, frying pan, kitchen knife, large rope and wooden
     needle, all sorts of toys and other silly things to "take out" of the patient's belly.
     Setting: Doctor's Office

Patient: (Walking into office.) Doctor! Doctor! I need your help.

Doctor: (Real whacko.) Oh, good, come here and I'll fix you up good. Nurse, anaesthetize the patient!

Patient: But Doctor! (Nurse "hits" him on the head with frypan; he passes out.)

(Time to really ham it up; Doctor is real messy in opening up the patient with knife; he "finds" all sorts of
things in the belly, each time explaining that this is a good part of the problem. Every once in a while
during the action,)

Patient: (Wakes up.) But Doctor!

Doctor: Nurse! Put him under! (Nurse hits patient with frying pan, restrains, etc.)

Finally, the doctor is finished and sews him up.

Doctor: (Tapping shoulder of the patient, who wakes up.) Do you feel better now?

Patient: But Doctor! I just need to use your phone!!

     Grandma, Grandpa
     Setting: Train Station

Grandma: (In old voice) Grandpa, is a train Comin' from the south today?

Grandpa: (Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the south, returns, and in an old
voice,) No, Grandma.

Grandma: Grandpa, is a train Comin' from the north today?

Grandpa: (Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the north, returns.) No, Grandma.

Grandma: Grandpa, is a train Comin' from the east today?

Grandpa: (Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the east, returns.) No, Grandma.

Grandma: Grandpa, is a train Comin' from the west today?

Grandpa: (Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the west, returns.) No, Grandma.

Grandma: Good. We can cross the tracks now.

     Shut Up, Trouble, Police Officer, Narrator
     Setting: Woods, Then a Police Station (as per narration)

Narrator: There once were a brother and sister called Shut Up and Trouble.
They liked to go on walks together. (SU & T are walking through the woods.)
One day, they were walking along in the woods together and Trouble got lost. (T walks off; SU looks
around but can't find her.)
So Shut Up went to the police station to report a missing person.

Police officer: Can I help you? What's your name?

Shut Up: Shut Up, Sir.

Police Officer: That's a bit impolite. What's your name, boy?

Shut Up: Shut Up, Sir.

Police Officer: You should watch your manners, boy. What's your name?

Shut Up: Shut Up, Sir.

Police Officer: Young man, are you looking for trouble?

Shut Up: Yes, Sir, she's lost! Do you know where she is?

     2 or 3 People, cup of water, combs, Narrator
     Setting: Sahara Desert

Narrator: Here are some poor, thirsty men on the desert who've been stranded on the desert for days.
Let's watch.

(Two or three people are crawling, calling out for water. Time to really ham it up. Finally, they see the cup of water and stagger for it, reaching out. Finally, they get to the water and,)

People: Ahhhh! (Relieved-they take out combs, dip them in water and begin to comb hair.)

     Person, 3 Tie Salesmen, Maitre d'
     Setting: Desert

Person: (Gasping) Water! I need water!

#1: Sir! Would you like to buy a tie? This one would look so good on you!

Person: I want water, not a tie!

#2: (After a pause) Sir! We're having a tie sale. Would you like to buy a nice tie for a great price?

Person: I'm dying of thirst, and you want to sell me a tie?

#3: (After a pause) Sir! I have these fine silk ties at reasonable prices. Would you care to look at my
stock?

Person: Sheesh! What kind of people sell ties in the middle of the desert to thirsty people? (After a
pause; looks to the distance) An oasis! I'm saved! (Scrambles over.) Sir! Please! I would like to buy a
glass of water!

Maitre d': I'm sorry Sir, but you can't enter this restaurant without a tie.

Version 1

     3 Lost Campers
     Setting: Woods

#1: Boy, am I hungry! We haven't eaten in days!

#2: Me too.

#3: And I would just love a hot meal.

#1: (Looking to ground) Wow! A rabbit! Jump it! (#1 & 2 jump it and catch it; they start to eat it.)

#2: (Looking back at #3) Would you like some?

#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.

#1: Suit yourself.

(A little later)

#2: Hey! A squirrel! Get it!

(#1 & 2 get it and start tearing it apart)

#1: (To #3) Would you like a morsel?

#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.

(A little later)

#1: Wow! A moose!

#2: Be very quiet. (#1 & 2 jump it and kill it; they start eating it)

#1: Look, there's plenty here, we don't need to keep it all to ourselves, even if we did get this without your help. There's too much to eat anyway. Want any?

#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.

#2: Are you sure? You haven't eating anything for even longer than us two.

#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.

(After a while,)

#1: Boy, I'm stuffed.

#2: Me too. But I think I'm getting sick. (Throws up.)

#1: I'm sick, too. (Throws up.)

#3: Wow! A hot meal!

Version 2

     5 People, Cabby
     Setting: Outside of Restaurant

#1: Boy, what a meal. I really gorged myself.

#2: Me too.

#3: Eating that much makes it hard to walk. Let's get a cab.

#4: Agreed.

#5: Taxi!

(They all get in.)

Cabby: Get ready for a good ride, boys.

(The cabby pantomimes driving, going along like a race driver, swerving from side to side, up and down
hills, does a real roller coaster ride. Sort of like my driving, if you've experienced it. The people swerve
left to right with the driver, all hanging on to dear life and lunch, until they all throw up.)

Cabby: Wow! A five course meal!

     4 Shoppers, Storekeeper, Kid (in underwear, or nightgown), full uniform
     Setting: Store

#1: I'd like to buy the Cub Shirt.

Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please.

(You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background-"No, you can't have it!") (Comes back
with a shirt.)

#2: I'd like to buy the accessories to the Cub Uniform.

Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please.

(You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background-"No, you can't have them!") (Comes back
with accessories.)

#3: I'd like to buy the pants to go with the Cub Uniform.

Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please.

(You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background-"No, you can't have them!") (Comes back
with pants.)

#4: I'd like to buy the right kind of shoes for the Cub Uniform.

Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please.

(You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background-"No, you can't have them!") (Comes back
with shoes.)

Kid: (Comes running out in underwear/swim suit) How am I supposed to go to Cubs without my uniform?

     3-4 People, Person carrying a sapling

#1: (Runs in) The Infantry is coming! Go to the bomb shelters!

#2: (A moment later, runs in) The Infantry is coming! Save yourselves!

#3: (A moment later, runs in) The Infantry is coming! Let's help them!

#4: (A moment later, runs in) The Infantry is coming! Let's watch the tanks!

(A moment later)

Person: And here it is, the Infant Tree.

     6 Cubs or Scouts
     Setting: Five Cubs Sitting in Their Clubhouse (indicated by appropriate signs) playing a game.

Cub 1: (Runs in, very excited) Hey, you guys! Did you hear about the big contest?

Cub 2: What contest? What's it about?

Cub 1: The "Keep America Beautiful Contest," that's what!

Cub 3: Are there prizes? A contest is no good without prizes.

Cub 1: Sure, lots of prizes. Neat ones like bicycles and radios, and lots of good stuff!

Cub 4: (Gloomily) I bet it's hard. Contests with neat prizes are always hard.

Cub 1: Nope! It's easy. Even the rules say it's SIMPLE-in big letters. The winner is the one who picks the easiest way.

Cub 5: The easiest way to do what?

Cub 1: The easiest way to keep America Beautiful. That's what I've been talking about!

Cub 6: (With a swagger) Ha! Then I'm a cinch to win!

Cub 1: Why's it so cinchy for you? What's your great way to keep America beautiful?

Cub 6: (Takes out comb and combs his hair) See! That's the easiest way I know to keep America
Beautiful.

(The others look at him, then at each other. Quickly they surround him, carry or drag him to a large box
marked TRASH, and dump him in.)

Cub 1: Like he said, fellahs, we're a cinch to win! That's the easiest way I know to keep America beautiful.
(they exit, laughing while Cub 6 stands up in the trash box with a disgusted look on his face.)

     Customer, Shopkeeper
     Setting: Brain Shop

Customer: Hi! I'm bored with myself. I'd like to buy a new brain and have an all new personality.

Shopkeeper: (In one of those evil, horror movie voices) Ahh, yes. Well, I can sell you this brain from Billy
Crystal for $5000. Here. Try it. ("Unscrews" head and plops in pretend brain.) How do you feel?

Customer: (In Billy Crystal style voice) Marvelous. I ... feel ... marvelous. But I don't think it's me. Can I
try another?

Shopkeeper: Okay. Let me see. (Rummages around.) Let's try this one. It's the brain from Captain Kirk.
Only $5000.

Customer: (In Kirk voice) Scotty ... Can you fix those transporters? No, a bit too famous for me.

Shopkeeper: Sure. I'll go out back. (Rummages around in back of store.)

Here's one from Ronald Reagan. It only costs $5000. How do you feel?

Customer: (In Ronald Reagan style voice) Wellll ... Bonzo, stop that ... I think that this one's still a bit too famous for me.

Shopkeeper: Hmmmm. A tough customer. I'll have to go down to the basement. I'll be back. (Customer
comments on the kind of brains he has gotten and what kind he'll get next.) Ahhh, here we are. The best
in the house, not famous at all. I guarantee you'll love it. Only $15000. (Yes ... $15000.)

Customer: (Imitates a leader in the crowd for some notorious act, such as putting up the sign and calling
out "PACK!" or admonishing the kids or doing a famous routine or the like.) Hmmm ... this is good. But I
recognize it. No, wait ... it's (Insert name of person.) I love it! But tell me ... the brains of those three
famous people only cost $5000 apiece. This one, however, comes from a virtually unknown, unimportant
person. Why does it cost $15000?

Shopkeeper: Well, it's never been used!

     Customer, Shopkeeper
     Setting: Pet Shop

Customer: I'd like to buy a turtle.

Shopkeeper: Well, here's one of the only three turtles I have left-they sell real well out here but turtle
shipments are few and far between.

Customer: Gee, thanks! Just the kind I was looking for, too!

(Later, customer comes in with dead turtle and is a little distraught.)

Customer: Look! He's dead already! How old was he?

Shopkeeper: Here, here. Let me see. Hmm. Look, having pets die on customers on the first day they buy
them is bad for business, so here's a new one. No charge.

Customer: Thank you! That's so gracious of you.

(Later, customer comes in with dead turtle and is more distraught.)

Customer: Are you sure these turtles are okay? This one died on me too!

Shopkeeper: Let me see. Hmm. Well, here's the last of my three turtles, and though I won't get another
shipment for a while, you can have it for free.

Customer: You are the nicest man I know. Thank you so much!

(Later, customer comes in with dead turtle and is hysterical and crying.)

Customer: What are you trying to do to me? This one died too!

Shopkeeper: Let me see this. This is bugging me too. Say. They all have scratches on the shells. Why?
What were you doing with them?

Customer: (Sniffing) Well, I was only trying to give my car a turtle wax!

     Captain, three or four Pirates
     Setting: On the Bridge (Or Deck of a Ship)

Captain: First Mate! What's 2+2?

1st Mate: Duh! One, Sir!

Captain: Good! Bosun! What's 2+2?

Bosun: Uhh ... let's see ... (Counts on fingers) Uhh ... Five, Sir!

Captain: No problem! Gunner! What's 2+2?

Gunner: Sheesh, Captain! Why give me all the hard ones?

Captain: Great! Cook! What's 2+2?

Cook: Let's see. Two apples and two potatoes makes ... (Thinks) Two apples and two potatoes, Sir!

Captain: Pleased to hear it! You! Floor Scrubber! What's 2+2?

Scrubber: Four, Sir!

Captain: Off with his head! (Cuts off head with sword.)

Servant: Beggin' the Captain's pardon, Sir! I think everyone else got it wrong, but the floor scrubber got it
right. Why did you kill him?

Captain: He's too smart! He might go after my job some day!

     Ghost, Family asleep in house
     Setting: House at Night

Ghost: (Going up to Mom, wakes her up-uses scary ghost voice.) I am the Ghost of Midnight!

Mom: Ahhh!

Ghost: (To Dad-same thing.) I am the Ghost of Midnight!

Dad: I'm getting out of here!

Ghost: (To son.) I am the Ghost of Midnight!

Son: Help! Mommy!

Ghost: (To daughter.) I am the Ghost of Midnight!

Daughter: (Looks at watch.) Aww, shutup! It's only 11:45!

     Leader, three or four Kids, Campfire Chief (in campfire blanket)
     Setting: Tent Area

Swasin: (Crying on stage)

Kid 1: (Sees leader; goes to him.) Swasin! What's the problem?

Swasin: (Whispers in kid's ear.)

#1 begins to cry too.

#2: Hey! What's the problem?

#1 whispers in #2's ear, and he starts crying too. Continue with #3 and #4.

(Finally, Campfire Chief comes around.)

Chief: Hi! I've come around to collect skit names for the campfire tonight! Hey! What's the problem?

All: We don't have a skit!

     Doctor, three Dads
     Setting: Hospital

Doctor: Mr. Thompson, congratulations. You're the proud father of twins!

Thompson: What a coincidence-I come from Two Mountains!

(Later,)

Doctor: Mr. Smith, you now have triplets!

Smith: That's quite astonishing! I come from Three Rivers!

Third father faints; doctor revives him.

Doctor: Mr. Smart-what's wrong? Your wife hasn't even given birth yet!

Smart: I come from Thousand Islands!

     Ghost, 3 Pedestrians
     Setting: City Street

#1: (Bends over; picks up coin.) Wow! A loony!

Ghost: (Comes out; scary voice.) I am the Ghost with one black eye!

(#1 scared; drops loony; runs away)

#2: (Bends over; picks up coin.) Wow! A dollar!

Ghost: (comes out) I am the Ghost with one black eye!

(#2 scared; drops loony; runs away)

#3: (Bends over; picks up coin.) Wow! Money!

Ghost: (Comes out.) I am the Ghost with one black eye!

#3: Keep it up, and you'll get another!

     Several Passengers, Bus Driver, "Stinky"
     Setting: Bus

Bus driver drives the bus along the route, and at each stop, more and more people get off the bus,
holding their noses, telling the driver to hurry up, pushing against each other, running off the bus, until
finally only Stinky and the Driver are left on the bus.

Driver: (Talking to Stinky) Hey! All my passengers left. You know anything about it? (Smells something
awful.) Hmm. Something smells-it must be you. Did you wash this morning?

Stinky: Yes.

Driver: Hmm. Deoderant?

Stinky: Yes.

Driver: Hmm. Clean shirt?

Stinky: Yes.

Driver: Clean underwear?

Stinky: Yes.

Driver: Change your socks?

Stinky: Sure! Here are the old ones!

     Story Teller, Boy, several characters such as Mom, Dad, Bro, Sis, Drunk, Repairman, Priest,
     Clerk, Bus Driver, and so on.

Teller: There once was a little boy who had a screw instead of a belly button, and was always curious
about it. Finally one day he asks his Mom,

Boy: Mommy, why do I have a screw instead of a belly button like everyone else?

Mom: (Brushing him away,) I don't have time right now. Ask your father.

Teller: The boy goes to his father and asks him the same question.

(He asks; gets the same type of answer ("Paying the bills.") He goes around to several people in the
town to whom he is referred by the last person, but always getting the same type of answer. Finally, he
goes to the priest.)

Boy: Father, why do I have a screw instead of a belly button like everyone else?

Priest: My son, only God knows of such things. You should pray and ask him.

Boy: Thank you, Father. (Begins praying.) God, why do I have a screw instead of a belly button like
everyone else?

Teller: All of a sudden, a big hand appears with a large screwdriver, connects with his screw, and turns.
All of a sudden the boy falls down and hears,

God: The screw is there to hold you together!

Version 1

     Announcer, big boxer, 72 pound weakling, frypan

Announcer: Ladies and Gents! May I bring your attention to the center ring where we will have our main
attraction! Little John will be fighting against a new contender, named Shrimpy! 1-2-3 Go!

(They box-Shrimpy gets hit this way, that way, is really losing until at the last moment, he throws one
weak punch and Little John falls unconscious.)

Announcer: 1! 2! 3! Shrimpy wins! Now let's look at that in slow motion!

(Boxers get up, and the scene repeats itself slowly in slow motion, and when Shrimpy is throwing his
punch, someone quickly-and I mean unaffected by slow motion-runs up and swings the frypan against
Little John's head.)

Version 2

     Similar to the above, but it never gets to the fight.

The Announcer is explaining the rules and says "We'll have none of this!" (kicks Little John in the groin)

"Or this!" (breaks arm over his knee) "Or this!" (kicks in the knees)

"And of course this! is prohibited!" (hits over the head with the frypan)

"Understood? Good! Go!"

(And of course one weak punch from Shrimpy knocks him out.)

     Two friends, doggie doo
     Setting: Street

(Two friends are walking along the street, perhaps having a conversation about something, talking about
a movie or the latest hockey scores, when all of a sudden-)

John: Hey Frank! Watch out! That may be doggie doo! Smell it to see if it smells like doggie doo!

Frank: (Smells it) Yep! Smells like doggie doo!

John: Touch it to see if it feels like doggie doo!

Frank: (Touches it) Yep! Feels like doggie doo!

John: Taste it to see if it tastes like doggie doo!

Frank: (Tastes it) Yep! Tastes like doggie doo!

John: Well! It's a good thing we didn't walk in it!

     Monk, Abbot, narrator
     Scene: Abbot's office

Narrator: This skit is about the monks in a monastery who are only allowed to speak two words every ten years. Our friendly monk is about to come in and say his two words, after ten long years of silence.

Abbot: (Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?

Monk: Bad food!

Narrator: Well, ten years have gone by, and of course our friendly monk's time has come again to say his
two words. He of course is not quite as young as he used to be, and walks a touch more slowly.

Abbot: (Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?

Monk: Uncomfortable bed!

Narrator: Well, yet another ten years have gone by, and of course our friendly monk's time has come
again to say his two words. He is really old at this point, having been at the monastery for thirty, long,
devoted years.

Abbot: (Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?

Monk: I quit!

Abbot: I'm not surprised! You've been here for thirty years and all you've done is complain!

     Old storekeeper, very young kid (4 years old)
     Setting: Candy Shop

Kid: (Kid walks up to storekeeper and asks) I want five of those penny candies way up at the top.

Storekeeper: You mean those penny candies, way, way, waaaaaayy up top?

Kid: Yes, please.

Storekeeper: Sigh! (Kid takes innocent pleasure in watching the storekeeper go up.)

(Storekeeper climbs up and get him five candies, and receives the five cents.)

(This scene repeats itself several times over 3 more days, with the storekeeper being more and more
tired each time and becoming equally more frustrated until, )

Storekeeper: Oh! I see that kid coming. I know what he's coming to get, so I'll climb up now to get the
candies before he comes in and have it ready for him. (Climbs up and gets the 5 candies.)

Storekeeper: (Kid walks in.) I bet I know what you want. I bet you want five of the penny candies from
way up top, right?

Kid: Nope! Not today!

Storekeeper: Sigh! Now I have to climb back up to put them away. (He climbs up, puts them away, then
comes down.)

Storekeeper: Now, sonny, what would you like today?

Kid: I would like three of those penny candies way up at the top!

     Narrator, two hunters, Medicrin, Loon, wise man
     Setting: Out in the woods

Narrator: This is the story of the little-known Medicrin and two hunters' efforts to capture it. For instance,
watch.

(The Medicrin, which has been dancing around during the Narrator's speech, suddenly spots the two
hunters, who blunderingly, and unsuccessfully, attempt to catch the Medicrin. During the next speech, all actors act according to the Narrator's storyline.)

Narrator: Several times our bold hunters attempt to catch this Medicrin; they use traps, "Medicrin" calls,
even a sick loon. (Every once in a while the actors make appropriate comments.) But all this was to no
avail. Finally, they consulted a wise man.

Hunter 1: Wise man, we have been trying to catch the Medicrin for quite a while, but without any
success. We even tried to lure it with a sick loon, because we'd heard that it was a good idea. What do
you suggest?

Wise man: (In one of those old, strained, many years-of-experience sage voices,) You have been going
about it almost in the right way. But the Medicrin also needs a sweeter trap!

Hunter 1: (Bewildered) Uh... Thank you, Wise man! Let's go!

Hunter 2: What did he mean by a sweeter trap?

Hunter 1: I don't know. Maybe we should feed our sick loon some sugar!

Hunter 2: Sugar?

Hunter 1: Yeah! You know, like sugar cured ham!

Narrator: And so our brave hunters took a bag of sugar and forced it down the loon's throat. Ahh ... Watch now as the Medicrin spots our loon.

(The Medicrin sees the loon and DIVES for it, at which point, the hunters capture the Medicrin.)

Narrator: Out brave hunters have finally succeeded in capturing the Medicrin. Which, just proves that ... A loonful of sugar helps the Medicrin go down!

     Jumper, bystander
     Setting: City Street

(A person is jumping on up and down, yelling 49! 49! 49! The second person comes by and notices this;
he asks what he's doing.)

Victim: What are you doing?

Jumper: I'm jumping up and down on this manhole yelling 49! 49! 49! It's really fun! Wanna try?

Victim: Sure!

(He takes the jumper's place and yells 49! 49! 49! All of a sudden, the jumper pulls the manhole cover
out from under the victim, who falls into the sewer.)

Jumper: 50! 50! 50!

Rider:  (enters pulling the burro) "Come on Speedy, those Cub Scouts at Southside are waiting for their Mail.

Narrator:  "Excuse me sir? Why do you call your burro Speedy?
Rider:  Why, this here is the fastest burro in the west.
Narrator:  "How fast is he?"
Rider:  "Why, he's so fast he can dance his shoes off!  (Burro dances, and removes his shoes and tosses them into the crowd and they leave.)

Narrator:  And there's always the legend of Rip Van Winkle.  It's really quite unlikely that he could sleep for forty whole years.
Rip Van W.:  (entering) Sleep? Did I hear someone mention sleep.  Oh, I'd love to get some sleep!
Narrator:  Have a hard day Rip?
Rip Van W.:  Day, day he says! Days is more like it.  Ever since those Cub Scouts came to town, I haven't slept a wink.  Their Den Leaders keep knocking things over and tripping over things.  And you should hear them laugh.
Narrator:  Poor Rip, I guess he could use forty years sleep now.

Chef:  (entering eating an ice cream cone, and looking over and under and around things, saying...."Nope, not here, etc.  and "I know it's around here somewhere." Continuing to look.)
Narrator:  Boy that ice cream looks good.  Where can I get some?
Chef:  Down the road at Custard's Last Stand.
Narrator:  What are you looking for?
Chef:  A mine.
Narrator:  You mean the Lost Dutchman Mine?
Chef:  No the lost Italian Mine of course.  I hear they have the greatest pizza.
Narrator:  There was a guy over there who was talking about pizza earlier.  I think his name was Wild
Bill.....(hiccup) Wild Bill........(hiccup)....
Chef:  Yeah, I know him, Wild Bill Hiccup - Hiccup...(leave the room)

(All walk offstage and come back carrying sacks)

2nd Cub:  Here are the chips.
3rd Cub:  Here are the hot dogs.
4th Cub:  Here are the hot dog buns.
5th Cub:  Here are the drinks.
6th Cub:  (Drops his sack) Oh, no!
5th Cub:  What's wrong?
6th Cub:  I brought the ants!!

The important guy wanders offstage, and Aug wanders to the other side of the stage.
A man on the street approaches Aug.  Aug runs to him waving his hands.

Aug, in his face:  "Pen-Solls!!!"
Man on street:  "Hey, you're a real jerk! How many people have you done this to?"
Aug:  "Two, Five, Ten!"
Man on steed:  "You're really asking for a punch in the mouth, buddy."
Aug:  "If you don't ..  somebody else will!"
Man on street punches Aug, who falls flat, that's the end of the skit.

The scout who just got beat up turns to his buddy and says, "Two bikers just came through the woods and beat me up." His buddy turns to him and says, "It was just a dream, go back to sleep."

This happens two more times, with the bikers beating up the guy, but on the third time, something different happens.  The guy who gets beat up turns to his buddy and tells him what happened again.  This time his friend says, "Fine, if it will make you feel better, I'll switch places with you."

Now the bikers come back and go up to the same sleeping bag again, and one turns to
the other and says, "This guy's had enough, let's get the other guy."

Preparation
You will need an Announcer and a Pitcher, but the Batters will be volunteers.  The first
Volunteer should be told what is happening ahead of time, so that his performance shows
others how it's done.  Set up a sheet a backdrop.  Two Scouts hide behind it, one with a
flashlight and the other with a bucket of water (but be sure that the audience does not see
the bucket).  The flashlight is held against the sheet to simulate the ball.  The movement
of the light is the key to the whole skit.

A baseball bat or a thick stick is needed for the batter, and a baseball glove for the
Pitcher.  Use a roll of canvas and a stick (or something similar) to simulate the sound of the
ball hitting the catcher's glove (done by a Scout behind the sheet).  If it is dark, have two
strong flashlights shining on the Pitcher and Batter.

The Skit
The Announcer comes on stage and tells the audience that there will be a baseball
pitching demonstration.  He introduces the Pitcher as the greatest pitcher of all time, who
will show us his famous specialty pitches.  After a buildup about how great the Pitcher is,
the Announcer positions the Pitcher at one end of the sheet.
The Announcer asks for members of the audience to volunteer to try to hit this famous
pitcher's best pitches.  The first volunteer is given the bat and placed at the other end of
the sheet.  The Announcer explains that the Pitcher will throw one pitch, and the Batter
must do his best to hit the ball.
The Pitcher winds up and pretends to throw, as the Announcer narrates ("He's set.  He
winds up.  There's the pitch!"  The Scout behind the screen moves his light rapidly down the
sheet.  The Announcer yells, "Fast ball!"  The Batter swings hard.  We hear the sound of the
ball hitting the catcher's mitt.  The Announcer says, "A strike!  You're Out!"  The Batter
returns to his seat.
Another Batter is recruited.  This time the Announcer calls out a curve ball, which curves
wildly across the sheet.  The Batter is again called out.  The process continues with a
knuckleball and a screwball.
Finally, the Announcer introduces the famous Pitcher's dreaded Secret Pitch.  He asks
for a special volunteer, of especially outstanding baseball ability and unusual courage, to
try to hit this pitch.  A Scapegoat is volunteered by the Announcer and encouraged to come
up.
The Batter is carefully placed, and the ball is pitched.  As it comes to the Batter, the
Announcer cries, "Watch out!  It's a spitball!"
His warning comes too late, as water cascades over the sheet onto the Batter.

Announcer:  The Hunchback of Notre Dame has decided to retire, and has place an ad
in the Paris Times for someone to come and learn how to ring the bells.

Effects:  (Knock, knock, knock)

Hunchback:  (Gravely voice) Oh, somebody must be here about my job.  I'll go down and
see.  (Goes 'round and 'round the campfire, as if going down the bell tower, bent over due
to hunch.)
Effects  :  (Knock, knock, knock)
Hunchback:  (Angrily) I'm coming, I'm coming.  There's a lot of stairs here.  (Arrives at
and opens the door.)
Hunchback:  Yeah !  What do you want ?
Applicant:  I'm here about the bell ringer's job.
Hunchback:  All right !  Come on up and I'll see if you can do the job.  (Begins to go up
(the other way around) followed by the applicant.)
Applicant:  Boy, the ceiling is not very high here, is it ?
Hunchback:  Listen, you go up and down these stairs 20 times a day for 45 years and you
just learn to stay bent over.  Hey, did you close that door, didn't you ?
Applicant:  I don't know.  I don't remember.
Hunchback:  Well, we gotta go down and keep it locked, can't run up the church's fuel
bill.  (Both turn around and go back.)
Hunchback:  That's the first thing you gotta learn.  Keep the door closed.  Up and down
these stairs, that's the hard part.  (Arriving at door) O.K., so now you're here, close the door.
Applicant:  (Closes door) How are the benefits in this job ?
Hunchback:  (Both going back up) Well, it has it's ups and downs.  The Church board will
buy you ear plugs every six months and a new bottle of bell polish once a year (Finally
arriving at the bell)  All right, now you stand over there, and I'll show you how it's done.
First you grab the bell here and push it out very hard (steps back and follows path of bell
out and back) then the bell comes back on it's own.  That's all there is to it.  Do you think
you can do that ?
Applicant:  Sure ! (does the action with the bell, but does not step back, is hit by bell and
falls back, to the ground)
Hunchback:  Oh my gosh !  He's fallen 15 stories to the sidewalk.  I'd better get down
there.  (Goes 'round and 'round until he reaches the ground)
           (Crowd enters mumbling, stops astonished at body)
Gendarme :  (Entering, calls to Hunchback) Hey you !  Do you know this guy ? (Rolls body
over with foot)
Hunchback:  No, but his face sure rings a bell !
 

Bell Ringer # 2
(The trick with this skit is to do it the night after doing Bell Ringer #1, and to do
everything exactly the same - perhaps with a little more 'hamming it up')

(When the Applicant arrives the Hunchback says:)
Hunchback:  You look just like the guy who was here yesterday.
Applicant:  Oh, that was my twin brother.
(Revert to the original dialog again.  The audience will think it's getting a re-run and
prepare itself for a 'groaner' of a cheer.  When they hear the ending, you'll get a great
reaction.)
(Carry on with dialog, except for the last line.)
Hunchback:  No, but he's a dead ringer for the guy who was here yesterday !
 

Bell Ringer # 3
(To be used ONLY when Bell Ringer #1 and #2 have been used.)
Props:  Rain slickers, blanket, and Gendarme gear from above.
(Two players enter in rain slickers holding blanket between them like a jumping net.  The
jig and jog around the performing area.)
Gendarme  :  (Entering) Hey, what are you guys doing ?
Fireman #1:  Well, the last two nights some guy has jumped out of that bell tower, and
we came to catch him !

Setting:  Boys around fire keep slapping as if they are being attacked by mosquitoes
throughout the skit.  As the scene opens, the two mosquitoes enter the stage and continue
walking randomly around the boys as they deliver their lines.

Mosquito #1:  Hey, I got a good one! Which sport do we mosquitoes like best?
Mosquito #2:  Easy! Skin diving.  Say, did you hear what the Cub Scout said to the
mosquito.

Mosquito #1:  No, what?
Mosquito #2:  Don't bug me!

Mosquito #1:  Are you related to any of the bugs around here?
Mosquito #2:  Sure.  My ant.

Mosquito #1:  Did you hear what the mother grasshopper said to her children?
Mosquito #2:  No -- tell me.
Mosquito #1:  Hop to it!

Cub #1:  These mosquitoes are awful! Lucky I brought the insect repellent.  (Pretends
to spray air.)  (Mosquitoes exit quickly -- choking and gagging.)

Cub #2:  (To cub #1) Say, what has 18 feet, red eyes, and long claws.
Cub #1:  I don't know.
Cub #2:  Neither do I, but it's crawling up your neck.

(All boys run screaming from stage.)

Props:  Frisbee for discuss, pile for javelin, bag of cookies, toothbrush and basin of water
on stand, fake mike for reporter (can be dressed in suit jacket and have ID for his station
on his lapel in large letters)

TV reporter:  We're here today to interview the athletes at Pack _____ as they prepare for
the challenge of this years Cub Olympics.  As you can imagine, it takes months of training
and hard work to get these athletes ready to compete.  Let's see how they are preparing
themselves for the big competition.  (turns to Cub #1 with microphone) Tell me, how are you
getting ready for your event in the Olympics?
Cub #1:  I'm practicing my throw for the discus event.  (demonstrates how to throw
discus using Frisbee)

TV reporter:  Great form! (turns to Cub #2) and you -- can you tell us how you are
preparing to compete?
Cub #2:  I'm polishing my javelin for the javelin throw (polishes pole with a rag.)

TV reporter:  Good luck! (turns to Cub #3) What are you doing today?
Cub #3:  I'm practicing for the standing broad jump.  (does a couple of practice jumps)

TV reporter:  Fine! (turns to Cub #4) And what are you doing to train for the Olympics?
Cub #4:  I'm brushing my teeth! (uses basin of water and toothbrush --pretends to brush
teeth)

TV reporter:  Brushing your teeth! What Olympic event could you possibly be training for?
Cub #4:  I'm training for the International Olympic Cookie - Eating event!  (pulls out bag
of cookies and stuffs some in his mouth.)

Props:  A pile of socks on a table.  Den leader sits behind table.
Den leader:  Boys, I'm pleased to announce that our new Cub Scout socks have arrived!
Please step up for your supply of clean socks.
Cub #1:  I need four pair.
Den leader:  What do you need 4 pair for?
Cub #1:  I need them for Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday.
Den leader:  O.K.  Here are your socks.  Next please.
Cub #2:  I need seven pair.
Den leader:  What do you need seven pair for?
Cub #2:  For Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
Den leader:  O.K.  here are your socks.
Cub #3:  I need 12 pairs.
Den leader:  Wow, you must really be a clean guy! So why do you need 12 pair?
Cub #3:  Well, there's January, February, March, April...etc.

Props:  Cub - fashioned bouquet, with strands of ivy.
Cub 1:  Gee, Fellas.  I don't think Mrs.  Brown's having a very good time.
Cub 2:  Well, you didn't help things much, giving her that garter snake.
Cub 3:  I was just trying to help her collect stuff for our nature display at pack meeting.

Cub 4:  Yeah...and you heard what she said! "Nothin' ever again, that moves by itself."
Cub 3:  So...now I know better!
Cub 5:  Don't worry about a thing, you guys.  I'm gonna fix everything.
Cub 6:  Yeah? How?
Cub 5:  Well, you know how nutty women are about flowers? So, I picked her this neat
bunch of flowers...(he holds up bouquet, with trailing strands of ivy)...  See?
Cub 6:  Oh no...  (wails).  We'll never get to go on another hike!
Cub 5:  How come?
Cub 6:  Cause...that's poison ivy!!

"One, two, ..."
"Wait! What are you all doing?" "We're committing suicide." "Oh, I'm a grade school teacher.  I just realized that I can't stand whiney little kids.  I think I'll join you."

"One, two, ..."
"Wait! What are you doing?" "We're committing suicide." "Well I'm a florist, and I've got hay fever." sneeze! "I think I'll join you."

"One, two, ..."
"Wait! What are you doing?" "We're committing suicide." "I'm a dentist, hic and I've had the hiccups for the last hic five years.  Would you like a tooth removed hic?"  He holds one of those pointy dentist things, and each time he hics his hands jerk around "No!" "Then I think I'll hic join you."

"One! Two! Three!!!" They all jump, except for the reporter.
"Four people jump to their grisly deaths! What a scoop!" He runs offstage, scribbling furiously on his notepad.

Props:  Fishing gear, a small row boat or cardboard silhouette of a boat, and a sign
that says "boat dock".

Setting:  The scene starts with the boat about 10 feet away from the boat dock.
The Cub Scouts and their Den Chief are on their way to go fishing.  The first Cub
stops at the dock then walks out across the water and gets in the boat.

Boy 2:  Hey wait for me! (he walks out to the boat)
Den Chief:  Oh well...  (steps into the water and pretends to fall in and drags
himself back to shore)
Boy 3:  Hey wait up.  Here I come (walks out to the boat)
The Den Chief tries and fails again.  The sequence continues until all the boys are
in the boat and only the Den Chief remains on shore.  Finally, one of the Cub Scouts
says:  "Should we tell him where the rocks are?"

RINGMASTER:  Ladies and Gentlemen, we are proud to introduce the Den _____
Flea Circus.  We will now present Hugo, who will walk the tightrope.  When he
reaches the center, he will turn a double somersault.  May we have silence, please?
[Two Cubs stretch a string.  Third Cub places "flea" on the string.  Cubs follow
movement of flea with exaggerated head movements, as it walks to the center of the
string, and turns the somersault.  One boy with his mouth open gets too close to the
string and gulps as if he had swallowed a "flea".)
FIRST CUB:  [Puts hand over mouth, gulps loudly.] I swallowed Hugo!  [Begins to